Culture Fuzz Conversations

Is Dating Dead?

Dating? Where?

RIP to chivalry and goodnight kisses. Hello tumbler and good night tussles!

It truly saddens me that this is a topic at all but I have come across this conversation way too often lately and as a true discernible blogger I had to perform my due diligence and stand in line to rant on this. Duh.

Remembering some pretty dark times from my dating days and listening to what my currently single friends are going through I very much believe that dating is dead. Murdered. Ran Over. Throat Slashed. Bye Felicia. I guess you can blame it on technology, social media, the internet blah blah blah… but I feel that just puts down invention and innovation, it’s really easy to blame the spoon for making someone fat instead of just telling that very same person to put the damn thing down!

We are an ever evolving species us humans, so development and taking giant strides is part of who we are. I LOVE social media and the internet as it has changed so many aspects of our lives, the way we purchase and listen to music, the way we network and do business, the way we stay in touch with family, and the simple act of being able to instantly obtain content and information at the push of a button, seriously this a goose shitting a golden egg good! So of course it makes sense that it’s infiltrating other facets of our lives such as dating. But just like anything else, if you don’t educate people on how to properly filter information improper use might occur. If you do a certain action beyond its means it then turns into an unhealthy act. With all of these dating apps, and literally, sex apps we are going straight to the “good part” without making a connection with people. But is the “good part” really that good without that connection? Do a lot of folks even realize what the best part even is? Studies have shown that millennial’s are the most unmotivated, unfulfilled and disconnected generation. Can you take a couple guesses as to why?

If you are being really honest about our culture today, and I mean REALLY honest, it’s obvious to see that porn has now become our sex education. Seriously! EVERYONE watches it, and if you’re reading this and getting defensive, hun you watch it too. It’s no longer taboo, porn is heading to mainstream, if it’s not there already, if you need some convincing on that, I suggest you watch the documentaries “Hot Girls Wanted” and “Hot Girls Wanted:Turned on” produced by Rashida Jones (yes THAT Rashida Jones) on Netflix. The game has changed and a lot of us refuse to see it, which is another issue in our society but that’s a whole other monster.

Since parents and adults fall into a tissy about sex education being taught in schools, kids find their information elsewhere. With this tiny invention called the internet it’s very easy to get lost in a sea of information and become confused on what’s socially acceptable and what’s to stay behind closed doors or what’s just not healthy behavior.

I’m going to tangent for a second, can we talk about the content of porn? Don’t get me wrong, I have my share of visual participation but some of the things I scroll by is fucking disturbing, and a vast majority of the content is aggression towards women, rape, throwing up, tied up, crying, man domination and now I’m seeing grown women looking like little under-aged girls,…dude, who is demanding this type of content?

Without proper guidance and education on what being a human is all about, kids draw their own conclusions and figure this type of behavior is okay. I mean, why wouldn’t they? It’s the image that’s being pushed. Why would society push an agenda that incorrect and unhealthy? Hmm.

Don’t believe me? There’s a story about rape every single day in the news. An especially disturbing one is the incident about the Stanford student who was attacked while unconscious. It’s pretty bad, read about it here. Not only that but we’re also being raised by the media, sitting in front of advertisements and television shows that gives such a radical illusion of what real life is and as a result we have created a culture that is distorted, under educated and deprived on how to process all this information. You’ve heard it before and I’m going to say it again, the media is dangerous and is portraying relationships and women in such a negative light. Yes, there have been very minute changes and even smaller victories for women in the industry but like I said before, if you’ve been keeping up with the news, it’s just not enough.

The broken family and multiple children with multiple fathers is being praised, while communication and “trying to work it out” is being scoffed at. I mean we are the generation that got pats on the back for just trying and showing up so who do these people think they are suggesting that we deal with issues when they get hard, let alone with someone I’m in a relationship with? Pffftt, I laugh at your suggestion.

But that’s exactly what the problem is. We don’t want to work hard. We didn’t come from that. Mom and Dad did all of the hard work for us. And now with these instant gratification apps like Tumblr and Coffee Meets Bagel, if one person doesn’t want to have sex right off the bat and God forbid they try to get to know you first, you can easily, with the flick of a finger, find the next person who is DTF. We don’t get going when the going gets tough, we just cry, stomp our feet and pout because we didn’t get our way. Jesus help us all. Still wondering how Trump became president?

Thank God for Netflix, another progressive man made invention that I abuse the fuck out of, for it has allowed me to discover shows like “A Different World”, “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”, “Martin” and “Girlfriends”. These type of shows empowered women, and empowered the monogamous relationship. Everyone in these shows were young, beautiful, hip and fun but they were also smart, well-educated and well accomplished. They acted out real issues like differences in a relationship and even better they acted out how to make it work and to talk it out. They demonstrated compromise while showing respect and love to your partner. I cannot name one show existing today that even exhibits one ounce of what those shows I just mentioned established. Now it’s all yelling, screaming, table flipping, weave pulling, grammatically incorrect women dominating our airwaves. I couldn’t take it anymore. Me and cable broke up ages ago and I’ve been a happier woman ever since.

There are songs on the radio, playing right now, that I even blast myself, that celebrate cheating and taking pride that she’s a side girl or that he’s got multiple women to choose from. These songs get stuck in our heads and further shape our character and feed the growing illusion that if they don’t do what we want, we move on to the next. Fuck their feelings. Reality television, you know what, I’m not even going to go there, if you are basing your dating lifestyle off of reality television you need Jesus. I’m not even exaggerating, you need to find an alignment with your spirit because reality television is mind poison. Don’t do it.

We live in such a “gimme gimme gimme” society. We don’t understand how to serve and even worse we don’t understand that in order to find happiness you have to help others become happy. Some of you reading this, first congrats on making it this far, are probably shaking your head and already tossing out this idea. But has what you’ve been doing up until this point been working? Is it really that crazy to start being more empathetic and being a source to others without expecting anything in return? If it does sound crazy to you, shit it might just be crazy enough to work. I used to be there. I used to not believe and live selfishly for myself, so I know.

Until we understand how to educate the navigation and access of all this information, we are going to continue to live in a society where it’s “every man for themselves”. It’s not just about dating, it’s about being a decent human being and knowing to just not fuck with people’s feelings and vulnerabilities.

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