GirlBoss | CF Book Club

#girlboss by sophia amorusoThis book is everything you think it is.. It has the ups and downs that anyone one of our own lives have which means this story is insanely relateable. Sophia Amoruso, who is both the author and star of the story, gives us a generous look into her beginning days of her uber successful clothing company, Nasty Gal. What makes this book and Sophia's story so compelling, I believe, is her unapologetic, I don't give a fuck, I have no choice but to succeed attitude. When she is faced with epic adversity, yes she has her moments of fear and doubt but she learns to take on these obstacles head on and take that bitch by the reigns. Starting her clothing company off on the auction platform EBay, Sophia gains tremendous popularity and financial success by showcasing her clothes in a way that was unheard of on the modest website, she was a fresh of breath air and everyone was taking it in.

But alas, with great success comes an even greater amount of haters who banned together to get Nasty Gal shut down for good from EBay. If that happened to you, what would you do? Well I'll tell you what Sophia did, she shook that shit on, used the money that she had acquired from Nasty Gal up until that point and invested in building her own clothing website, it's like she didn't even skip a beat. After the website launch, the rest was history.

Go ahead and add this book #GirlBoss to the list of her ever growing #birlboss by sophia amorusoachievements because Sophia literally built a movement, whether she intended to or not. Her story is reassurance that a lot of us are on the right path. You're not supposed to always know what you are doing, you're not always supposed to wait until you have all of your ducks lined up in a row.... just jump.

Culture Fuzz is very excited to add this book to our reading list! Make sure you join the Culture Fuzz Book Club to give us feedback and start a discussion on your thoughts about this book.

 

 

Curly Crown vs. The Corporate Coif

curly hairMy natural hair journey isn’t anything for the books, I’m just like every other girl who used to struggle with accepting her curls and develop a relationship with them. It’s not as simple as getting up one day and deciding, “Yes! Today is the day I wear my curly crown and put my middle fingers up!” It’s so much deeper than that, it’s psychological actually. I’m a mixed girl with very kinky curls and I wasn’t around my African side of the family while I was growing up to educate me about my hair. I went to a private school and only had my peers to reference and everyone had waspy, stick-straight hair, or hair that was nowhere near as kinky as mine. So, I would just gather up my curls and slick it back into the tightest of the tightest of ponytails which was my desperate attempt to conform my coif to fit in with the rest of the plain Janes at school. What a yawn right? My edges are still paying for all that lack of blood flow and toxic hairspray, I’m so sorry babies.

Long story short, I was not raised to love my hair which was absolutely not my parents fault, my mother did her absolute best to care for my curls and did a fantastic job while my dad, well come on, he’s a dad, he was just happy my hair was tamed, let alone did he care what it looked like. Natural curly hair was not celebrated back in the day the way it’s beginning too now, and there’s still a long ass way to go. If I wore my hair curly and out while in grade school or high school, I would get the most unwanted attention. I became a specimen or some kind of anomaly that the kids couldn’t wrap their minds around. I felt like a fucking sting ray in the petting section of the aquarium and experiences like that made me loathe my curly hair.

Fast forward about 10 years and that’s when my journey began. My journey of self-love I like to call it. By that point I have met enough people who showed me how to care for my curls in the proper way and once I reached my “fuck it” point and got sick of straightening my hair all of the time, I got a HUGE chop, cut off all the dead hair and began my expedition of loving myself the exact way God made me. It was great, having that type of attitude and acceptance towards myself actually motivated a lot of my curlfriends to join me on the natural hair quest and I became addicted to helping women find the beauty in their “curly crown”. I became addicted to helping women love themselves.

I’ve never been apologetic about my curls once I went natural, when I embraced them, I embraced them hard and wore my big hair loud and proud. It wasn’t until I was joking around with my fellow entrepreneur best friend and we were going back and forth about clients and meetings and I jokingly said, “Girl, bring me with you and I can complement the deal!” She then, without skipping a beat, said “You would have to straighten your hair first.” She meant nothing malicious by that comment, we have a friendship that is 14 years old and she knows my hair journey from the beginning. But her statement made me realize how much of a stigma having curly hair still was in corporate society, and to be frank, I just ain’t having it. I am determined to dominate the corporate world, or just dominate as a business woman period and not feel ashamed for letting my curls be free. Currently, I work for a doctor’s office in Beverly Hills where image is EVERYTHING hunnty and from time to time I will still get interesting looks, or comments from my boss letting me know, ‘wow, you’re making a statement with that hair’. Why does it have to be a statement? Why can’t I wear my normal natural hair without being stereotyped into being a rebel, or a feminist or a proud black queen? Why can’t I just be, and be good at my job?

I’m not allowing my curly hair set the standard for my work, my actual work ethic and demonstration of working hard and well is what I want to be known for and I’m going to take control of my image. Yes, they may be a little taken aback at first because you didn’t conform to corporate standards, but babygirl, I promise you, if you stand your ground and demand, through your work ethic, to be judged by how you work and not how your hair works, they will have no choice but to  accept you as…well… you. Do not care what other people think, we need more warriors in the fields to continue to blaze the trail for the younger ones preparing to step into this world. Unfortunately, it is up to us to set the standard on curly crowns in the corporate world. There is such a stigma and negative connotation with curls, and I know it has a lot to do with the repercussions of slavery but just like there hasn’t been any rehabilitation provided for that psychological shift, there isn’t one for ethnic girls to accept themselves as they are and understand that they are beautiful too. Let’s face it, when America talks about a beautiful girl, they’re not talking about cute ethnic girls with kinky hair, we know exactly what they are referring too and I’m not that. I will never be that. And I love that.

Yah, sure, I could conform, straighten my hair and be a good little worker but everyone takes that road and no one is any better of a person. I have always been one to stand up for myself and make waves so this is definitely a lifelong battle I choose to fight. Yes, I love to play around with different looks but my curls are my crown and they have become a strong part of who I am. I cannot compromise who I am because of the standards society has set. I want to go against the grain, I want to give little girls hope, and I want to be a vision of inspiration to other.

I want to help change the world, one curly head at a time.

dating is dead

Dating is Dead

dating is deadRIP to chivalry and goodnight kisses. Hello tumbler and good night tussles! I swear I’m such a sucker for a good pun.

It truly saddens me that this is a topic at all but I have come across this conversation way too often lately and as a true discernible blogger I had to perform my due diligence and stand in line to rant on this. Duh. Dating isn’t really an issue for me as of right now for I have been in a successfully healthy relationship the past 4 years so I guess you can say I’m one of the lucky ones? Depends on how you look at it. 😉 Remembering some pretty dark times from my dating days and listening to what my currently single friends are going through I very much believe that dating is dead. Murdered. Ran Over. Throat Slashed. Bye Felicia. I guess you can blame it on technology, social media, the internet blah blah blah… but I feel that just puts down invention and innovation, it’s really easy to blame the spoon for making someone fat instead of just telling that very same person to put the damn thing down!

We are an ever evolving species us humans, so development and taking giant strides is part of who we are. I LOVE social media and the internet as it has changed so many aspects of our lives, the way we purchase and listen to music, the way we network and do business, the way we stay in touch with family, and the simple act of being able to instantly obtain content and information at the push of a button, seriously this a goose shitting a golden egg good! So of course it makes sense that it’s infiltrating other facets of our lives such as dating. But just like anything else, if you don’t educate people on how to properly filter information improper use might occur. If you do a certain action beyond its means it then turns into an unhealthy act. With all of these dating apps, and literally, sex apps we are going straight to the “good part” without making a connection with people. But is the “good part” really that good without that connection? Do a lot of folks even realize what the best part even is? Studies have shown that millennial's are the most unmotivated, unfulfilled and disconnected generation. Can you take a couple guesses as to why?

If you are being really honest about our culture today, and I mean REALLY honest, it’s obvious to see that porn has now become our sex education. Seriously! EVERYONE watches it, and if you’re reading this and getting defensive, hun you watch it too. It’s no longer taboo, porn is heading to mainstream, if it’s not there already, if you need some convincing on that, I suggest you watch the documentaries “Hot Girls Wanted” and “Hot Girls Wanted:Turned on” produced by Rashida Jones (yes THAT Rashida Jones) on Netflix. The game has changed and a lot of us refuse to see it, which is another issue in our society but that’s a whole other monster.

Since parents and adults fall into a tissy about sex education being taught in schools, kids find their information elsewhere. With this tiny invention called the internet it’s very easy to get lost in a sea of information and become confused on what’s socially acceptable and what’s to stay behind closed doors or what's just not healthy behavior.

I’m going to tangent for a second, can we talk about the content of porn? Don’t get me wrong, I have my share of visual participation but some of the things I scroll by is fucking disturbing, and a vast majority of the content is aggression towards women, rape, throwing up, tied up, crying, man domination and now I’m seeing grown women looking like little under-aged girls,…dude, who is demanding this type of content?

Without proper guidance and education on what being a human is all about, kids draw their own conclusions and figure this type of behavior is okay. I mean, why wouldn’t they? It’s the image that’s being pushed. Why would society push an agenda that incorrect and unhealthy? Hmm.
Don’t believe me? There’s a story about rape every single day in the news. An especially disturbing one is the incident about the Stanford student who was attacked while unconscious. It’s pretty bad, read about it here.  Not only that but we’re also being raised by the media, sitting in front of advertisements and television shows that gives such a radical illusion of what real life is and as a result we have created a culture that is distorted, under educated and deprived on how to process all this information. You’ve heard it before and I’m going to say it again, the media is dangerous and is portraying relationships and women in such a negative light. Yes, there have been very minute changes and even smaller victories for women in the industry but like I said before, if you’ve been keeping up with the news, it’s just not enough. The broken family and multiple children with multiple fathers is being praised, while communication and “trying to work it out” is being scoffed at. I mean we are the generation that got pats on the back for just trying and showing up so who do these people think they are suggesting that we deal with issues when they get hard, let alone with someone I’m in a relationship with? Pffftt, I laugh at your suggestion.

But that’s exactly what the problem is. We don’t want to work hard. We didn’t come from that. Mom and Dad did all of the hard work for us. And now with these instant gratification apps like Tumblr and Coffee Meets Bagel, if one person doesn’t want to have sex right off the bat and God forbid they try to get to know you first, you can easily, with the flick of a finger, find the next person who is DTF. We don’t get going when the going gets tough, we just cry, stomp our feet and pout because we didn’t get our way. Jesus help us all. Still wondering how Trump became president?

Thank God for Netflix, another progressive man made invention that I abuse the fuck out of, for it has allowed me to discover shows like “A Different World”, “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”, “Martin” and “Girlfriends”. These type of shows empowered women, and empowered the monogamous relationship. Everyone in these shows were young, beautiful, hip and fun but they were also smart, well-educated and well accomplished. They acted out real issues like differences in a relationship and even better they acted out how to make it work and to talk it out. They demonstrated compromise while showing respect and love to your partner. I cannot name one show existing today that even exhibits one ounce of what those shows I just mentioned established. Now it’s all yelling, screaming, table flipping, weave pulling, grammatically incorrect women dominating our airwaves. I couldn’t take it anymore. Me and cable broke up ages ago and I’ve been a happier woman ever since.

There are songs on the radio, playing right now, that I even blast myself, that celebrate cheating and taking pride that she’s a side girl or that he’s got multiple women to choose from. These songs get stuck in our heads and further shape our character and feed the growing illusion that if they don't do what we want, we move on to the next. Fuck their feelings. Reality television, you know what, I’m not even going to go there, if you are basing your dating lifestyle off of reality television you need Jesus. I’m not even exaggerating, you need to find an alignment with your spirit because reality television is mind poison. Don’t do it.

We live in such a “gimme gimme gimme” society. We don’t understand how to serve and even worse we don’t understand that in order to find happiness you have to help others become happy. Some of you reading this, first congrats on making it this far, are probably shaking your head and already tossing out this idea. But has what you’ve been doing up until this point been working? Is it really that crazy to start being more empathetic and being a source to others without expecting anything in return? If it does sound crazy to you, shit it might just be crazy enough to work. I used to be there. I used to not believe and live selfishly for myself, so I know.

Until we understand how to educate the navigation and access of all this information, we are going to continue to live in a society where it’s “every man for themselves”. It’s not just about dating, it’s about being a decent human being and knowing to just not fuck with people’s feelings and vulnerabilities.

 

 

stuck in a rut, now what?

Stuck in a Rut, Now What?

stuck in a rut, now what?It’s been one hell of a week huh guys!? I don’t know about you but I’m feeling the full effects of this Mercury Retrograde. If you’re not familiar with Mercury Retrograde, Click Here to learn more about why your life may have been in a shambles the past couple of weeks. But I’m exhausted, I’m exhausted with the news, I’m exhausted with our government, Carmelo cheating on LaLa, Steve Stephens, Aaron Hernandez, like bruh! And lately my cage has been rattling, forcing me to come to terms with a decision I have to make and I’m exhausted from that. I understand that life changes are going to happen and I’m the first to acknowledge that but let’s be real, that shit is terrifying, not to mention exhausting. We get so used to our routine and the cave we build for ourselves and the people we surround ourselves that we end up feeling ‘safe’ and ‘comfortable’ with this space we’ve created, it’s equivalent to not wanting to get out of bed in the morning because you’re in the ultimate blanket burrito and you don’t want to feel the cold once you pull those covers back. Um, Guilty!! *raises hand* As we develop and learn more about ourselves and what we like, our outlook on life will change as well, our friends will change, jobs, style, interests, you name it and that’s okay. Sometimes we have to separate ourselves from people and situations that are stopping us from growing no matter how uncomfortable or unexpected it might be. There’s a deeper force at work when a crossroad is reached representing the choices we have in our lives. Which road are you taking? Will it be the same path you’ve always walked? Will it be the easy road where you’re not challenged to become the best version of yourself? Or will it be that road less traveled that everyone is terrified to take because it’s hard?

stuck in a rut, now what?

Me? I was always one to take the easy road, and let me stop acting like I don’t still try too. Pfft, I didn’t want to get scrapes or get dirty, nope the easy lifestyle was perfectly fine with me. Totally content with no growing or challenging myself, sitting on the same couch day after day scratching my butt and belching out disappointments to people on IG for living their lives? Yup, oh what a life. But then I started to become restless, I started becoming bored with my every day routine, no change, no challenge, nothing keeping me on my toes, I was stagnant and my entire being was becoming starved. After a lot of digging and searching on what the source might be for my newly acquired restlessness I realized that sitting still was hurting me. Here I was, wishing and hoping for more things and more success but I wasn’t doing anything to change that, I wasn’t doing anything different. Same routine, work my 9-5, sit in my car, smoke weed, get lost on social media, go to bed. Bruh. Just kill me already, it would be much faster. Then I wondered why I was feeling so starved and frustrated, up until a couple of weeks ago I was avidly forming practices and curating a schedule that would help me get back on track. If adulthood has taught me one thing, and taught it to me HARD is that you literally have to be your own parent. It is entirely up to YOU to make good decisions about your life, what you eat, exercising, getting enough sleep and the like. All those things our parents made us do that we scoffed and rolled our eyes at like karate lessons we hated, being threatened by mom to sit at that got damn piano bench until she hears you play that whole got damn song, or endless hours playing catch with a parent or coach to perfect that fast ball, yes that shit was annoying but what we didn’t realize is that our parents were instilling balance into our lives. They were doing us a favor because they knew that in order for us to be well rounded, we needed to be challenged and work hard. Welp, we’re now on our own folk’s aaaaannnddd this is ridiculous. School does not prepare you for this bullshit called life! Wait, how many bills do I need to maintain just to function normally? What do you mean my whole paycheck is gone?! All I did was pay my rent! Yah, no one really tells you or walks you through those sucky parts so again, it’s up to you to parent yourself and grab the reigns of your destiny! Sorry, I can get cheesy sometimes, but the further along I go on this self-development journey, the more I realize the cheese is the best part. The cheese is stinky but it’s so real and there’s a reason why sayings like “take control of your destiny” are still around, because it is literally that easy!

So start with simple things like creating a schedule for yourself, for example, Mondays and Wednesdays I will walk for one hour after work, Tuesdays is laundry day, every Friday I will make sure to schedule lunch with a friend. It could literally be anything, you are the master….. of your destiny. Hehe.

 

You Are a Badass | CF Book Club

book of the week

You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

 

I was drawn to this book for it's obvious reasons of course because, duh, I am a badass and I've never thought anything less of myself but just like you and plenty of other people I forget sometimes and I need refreshing reminders of my badassery. Her book strives to empower any reader to shake of the cobwebs of doubt and to start trusting the universe. To master positive thinking, smash the ego and learn to be present so we can enjoy the life we are building for ourselves. Such a great listen, because hey, I listen to audio books now!

You can find Jen's book on audible, Amazon or if you are vintage like I like to be sometimes you can mozy on over to your nearest Barnes and Nobles to get your hands on a copy.