Coffee, Bagels and the Death of Dating

Dating? Where?

looking where are you GIF by The Academy Awards

RIP to chivalry and goodnight kisses.

Hello Bumble and goodnight tussles!

I’ve come across this conversation way too often lately and as a true discernible blogger I had to perform my due diligence to stand in line and rant.

Remembering some pretty dark times from my dating days and listening to what my currently single friends are going through I very much believe that dating is dead.


Ran Over.

Throat Slashed.

Bye Felicia.

high quality respect GIF

I guess you can blame it on technology, social media, and the internet but that just puts down invention and innovation.

I LOVE social media and the internet, it’s changed so many aspects of our lives.

The way we purchase and listen to music, the way we network and do business, the way we stay in touch with family, and the simple act of being able to instantly obtain content and information at the push of a button.

Seriously this a goose shitting a golden egg good!

attack goose GIF

So of course it makes sense that it’s infiltrating other facets of our lives like dating.

But just like anything else, if you don’t educate people on how to properly filter information improper use WILL occur.

It’s really easy to blame the spoon for making someone fat instead of just telling that  person to just put the damn thing down!

If you do a certain action beyond its means it then turns into an unhealthy act.

With all of these dating apps, and literally, sex apps we are going straight to the “good part” without making a genuine connection with people.

But is the “good part” really that good without that connection?

Do folks even realize what the “good part” even is?

Let’s be really honest about our culture today, and I mean REALLY honest.

It’s obvious porn has now become “sex education”.

Seriously! EVERYONE watches it.

It’s no longer taboo, porn is mainstream and if you need some convincing on that, I suggest you watch the Netflix documentaries “Hot Girls Wanted” and “Hot Girls Wanted:Turned on” produced by Rashida Jones (yes THAT Rashida Jones).

agreed rashida jones GIF

The game has changed and a lot of folks refuse to see it.

Since parents fall into a tissy about sex education being taught in schools now-a-days, kids find their information elsewhere.

With this tiny invention called the internet it’s very easy to get lost in a sea of information and become confused on what’s healthy and what’s not healthy behavior.

Without proper guidance and education on what being a human is all about, kids draw their own conclusions and figure this type of behavior is okay.

Why wouldn’t they?

It’s the image that’s being pushed. Why would society push an agenda that’s unhealthy?

Don’t believe me?

There’s a story about rape every single day in the news.

An especially disturbing one is the incident about the Stanford student who was attacked while unconscious.

It’s pretty bad, read about it here.

Not only that but we’re also being raised by the media.

Sitting in front of advertisements and TV shows that give such a radical illusion of what real life is and as a result we have created a culture that is lost and completely forgot how to connect with people.

The broken family and multiple children with multiple fathers is being praised, while communication and “trying to work it out” is being scoffed at.

We are the generation that got pats on the back for just trying and showing up so who do these people think they are suggesting that we deal with issues when they get hard, let alone with someone I’m in a relationship with?

Pffftt, I laugh at your suggestion.

scoff dionne warwick GIF

But that’s exactly what the problem is. We don’t want to work hard.

We didn’t come from that.

Mom and Dad did all of the hard work for us.

Now with these instant gratification apps like Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel, if someone doesn’t want to have sex right off the bat and God forbid they try to get to know you first, you can easily, with the flick of a finger, find the next person who is DTF.

tinder swipe right GIF

We don’t get going when the going gets tough, we just cry, stomp our feet and pout because we didn’t get our way.

Jesus help us all.

Thank God for Netflix, another progressive man made invention that I abuse the fuck out of, for it has allowed me to discover shows like “A Different World”, “Fresh Prince of Bell-Air”, “Martin” and “Girlfriends”.

girlfriends lynn GIF by Dawnie Marie

These type of shows empowered women, and empowered the monogamous relationship.

Everyone in these shows were young, beautiful, hip and fun but they were also smart, well-educated, well accomplished and they acted out real issues.

Issues like working out differences in a relationship with healthy communication and ‘meeting in the middle’.

These shows demonstrated showing respect and love to your partner and I cannot name one show existing today that even exhibits one ounce of what these shows I just mentioned established.

Now-a-days it’s all yelling, screaming, table flipping, weave pulling, grammatically incorrect women dominating our airwaves and couldn’t take it anymore.

There are even songs on the radio, playing right now, that celebrate cheating and taking pride in having ‘side chick’ or that the guy has multiple women to choose from.

These songs get stuck in our heads subconsciously shaping our mind and feeding the illusion that if your date don’t wanna ‘give it up’, we move on to the next.

Fuck their feelings.

We live in such a “gimme gimme gimme” society. We don’t understand how to serve and even worse we don’t understand that in order to find happiness you have to help others.

Some of you reading this, first congrats on making it this far, are probably shaking your head and already tossing out this idea.

But has what you’ve been doing up until this point been working?

Is it really that crazy to start being more empathetic and being a source to others without expecting anything in return?

If it does sound crazy to you, shit it might just be crazy enough to work.

I used to be there. I used to not believe and live selfishly for myself, so I know.

Until we understand how to educate the navigation and access of all this information, we are going to continue to live in a society where the philosophy of “every man for themselves” thrives.

It’s not just about dating, it’s about being a decent human being and knowing to just not fuck with people’s feelings and vulnerabilities.

Rissa SoFar
Rissa SoFar

Rissa SoFar

Rissa SoFar is a lover of building bridges and creating a safe space for people to have important conversations. As the founder and creator of Culture Fuzz, Rissa works to bridge the gap to people, places, products and ideas will surely make a quality difference in your life.

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